pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I CAN MOONWALK!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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