he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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