I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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