Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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