I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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