I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Boobs are out for the taking
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
