$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
