Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
