how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
