Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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