just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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