can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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