do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
