Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
