well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
