The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
