I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
