I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
