i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
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he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
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I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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