I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
