went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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