haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
