In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
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I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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