I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
