it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This is not my ceiling
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
