So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
