He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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