the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
