did you get engaged???
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
