he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize