It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
