My nipple is on Facebook.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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