I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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