i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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