Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize