im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
