Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
