Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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