so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
