Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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