1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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