Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
