theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
