I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
