My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
