you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
