remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
