I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
