We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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