Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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