Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
