friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
