I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
