I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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