i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
