The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
