maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
