Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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