I wish my penis had an off switch
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
