Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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