He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
