Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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