so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
