I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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