the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
