Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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