some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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