maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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