i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
