turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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