I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
